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12/28/02
Google is far and away the most popular search engine on the
Web. For many people, particularly small businesses, landing at the top of a
search result is the Holy Grail. It's not easy, though.
Google indexes 3 billion of the 10 billion pages on the Internet. And here is
the secret to getting your Web page listed at Google. Pages that are linked to
by many other popular pages are most likely to be indexed. If you're selling
something and no one links to your page, it will likely be far down Google's
listings. Of course, you could buy an ad. Then you'd have to pay each time
someone clicked on it. But we all want something for nothing, right?
Submit your site to Google here: http://www.google.com/addurl.html
But Google does not guarantee that it will add you to the index. You could also
enter your address at the Open Directory Project, http://www.dmoz.org.
Google checks that, but it could still take months.
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Advertisers are tracking your surfing habits. That way, they
can tailor the ads that you see on the Internet. This won't hurt your computer,
but who wants to be watched?
Send them on their way. Go to the Web site for Doubleclick at http://www.doubleclick.com/us/corporate/privacy/privacy/ad-cookie/
and opt out. While you're at it, opt out at the Network Advertising Initiative,
too: http://www.networkadvertising.org/
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A good résumé. You need a professional résumé. Today's word processing programs make it easy by offering fill-in-the-blank templates designed by professionals. Additionally, there are 99 more in Microsoft Office Template Gallery, http://officeupdate.microsoft.com/templategallery/.
12/27/02
12/23/02
When I found this recipe I thought it was perfect for
people, like me, who just are not sure how to tell when
poultry is cooked thoroughly but not dried out.
GIVE IT A TRY
10-12 lb. Turkey
1 cup melted butter
3 cups stuffing
2 cups uncooked popcorn
salt/pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush Turkey well with
melted butter, salt and pepper. Fill cavity with
stuffing and popcorn.
Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back
of oven.
Listen for popping sounds.
When the Turkey's ass blows the oven door open and the
Turkey flies across the room, it's done.
And you thought I couldn't cook.
12/18/02
A woman, calling Mount Sinai Hospital,
said, "Hello,darling, I'd like to talk with the person who gives the
information regarding your patients. I want to know if the patient is getting
better, or doing like expected, or is getting worse.
The voice on the other end of the line said, "What is the
patient's name and room number?"
She said, "Yes, darling! She's Sarah Finkel, in Room
302." He said, "Oh,yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact,
she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came
back as normal, she's going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of
hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home
Tuesday at twelve o' clock."
The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! Oh!
that's fantastic,darling!... That's wonderful news!"
The man on the phone said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it
you must be a close family member or a very close friend!"
She said, "I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Cohen, my doctor, doesn't
tell me shit!"
12/14/02
Google is my favorite search engine, for the moment anyway. I
used to like some of the other search sites but unlike Google, they have not
really kept up with the times. Now, Google has new toys you can play with aside
from the Google Toolbar, http://toolbar.google.com,
which is excellent, by the way!
There's the Google Viewer, http://labs.google.com/gviewer.html.
Type a few phrases and instead of a link, you get a fully working preview of the
Web site.
And there's Google's Webquotes, http://labs.google.com/cgi-bin/webquotes. Using it, you can search for sites that talk about a particular Web site.
Finally, Google's Froogle, http://froogle.google.com, aims to be the world's largest catalog.
From Kim Komando
If you're using Windows XP, Microsoft has four fun packs
for you. Included are bookmarks for Internet Explorer and screensavers. It also
has holiday projects and it's all free at:
http://www.microsoft.com/holiday
12/13/02
Completed change of look for front page.
Added G.T.O. Performance Air Boats 8 Lawrence St. Suite 308 • Dartmouth, Nova Scotia • CANADA • B2Y 3H7 12/11/02
12/11/02
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12/10/02
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12/09/02
Spyware is software placed on users' computers
by advertising companies. It reports back to a home computer on your surfing
habits. By installing a search engine, it can report on the topics
in which you're interested. The ads you see on the Internet are then tailored
for you. This stuff often accompanies freeware downloaded from the Internet. Its
presence is usually disclosed by the
download's terms of agreement. Of course, no one reads those terms. But
including the disclosure supposedly makes the whole thing kosher.
I recently ended up with something called NewDotNet. It took over my search
function when I searched from within Internet Explorer. I was able to get rid of
NewDotNet in Add/Remove Programs in Control Panel. It still left some stuff in
Windows Explorer, which I deleted manually.
Sometimes, these programs insert themselves as your Internet home page. That
setting is within Internet Explorer (Tools>>Internet Options). You can
change back to your preferred page there. But the invaders may make changes
within the Registry. If so, when you reboot, they hijack the home page again.
There are several shareware programs that can help rid you of these pests. One
is StartPage Guard, which will remove intruders, and will also prevent
hijackings. It is free at: http://www.pjwalczak.com/spguard
Failing that, and assuming you can identify the program, check Add/Remove
Programs. That applet is in Control Panel. If you find the hijacker in the
program list, highlight it and click the Remove button
in Windows XP. In 98 and ME, click Add/Remove.
If that doesn't work, you can probably keep the hijack program from starting.
Click Start>>Run. Type msconfig in the text box and click OK. Select the
Startup tab. Look for anything with "regedit" in it.
Remove the check mark.
The best solution is prevention. The Web has lots of "free" programs
that promise to make your downloads faster, more fun, more exciting, etc.
They're junk. Don't download them. And when you download freeware, check the
user agreement. It may include the digital equivalent of termites.
12/07/02
SECURITY PROBLEM IN IE & OUTLOOK
Microsoft warns that a flaw in Internet Explorer could allow an
intruder to read a user's files. A patch is available at:
http://www.microsoft.com/technet/security/bulletin/ms02-068.asp
12/6/02
Couple of signs, rejected movie posters, church window, and a questionable doctor.
12/04/02
A new priest at his frist mass was so nervous he could heardly
speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.
If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday the priest took the monsignors advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office he found the following note on the door.
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not get his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his apostles as J.C. and the boys.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior,
and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say...he
was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and
eat it, for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for
the grub, Yeah! God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not
a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
12/02/02
A blonde from California decides to try horseback riding, even
though she
has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted
and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a
steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm
grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but
she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along,
seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail
grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at
the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the
ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is
mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune . . . the
Supermarket manager sees her and shuts the horse off.
12/01/02
This is not only philosophical but is obviously pure science.
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when
the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that
are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the
general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular
culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain
cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker
brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
So that's why you always feel smarter after a few beers!
11/30/02
Learn Chinese in 10 Minutes
1) That's not right ......................... Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP................................ Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man ................................ Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse ............................... Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? .................. Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table .............. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift .............. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here .................... Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet ............. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone .................. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight ..................... Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile ............. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive .............. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great .................................... Fa Kin Su Pah
11/27/02
11/29/02
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